Me and AEQ method
I built and fought and charged headlong. I created an ideal life for myself. School, family, home. Fairytale. And yet, I didn’t live my life. I struggled through it. I lived according to everyone else’s expectations. Others’ approval was what guided me. I didn’t really know myself and felt being weighed down every step of the way. The burden of others became too heavy to bear. And then, without thinking and on impulse, I reacted aggressively towards all the people that made me feel bad and who seemed to take advantage of me.
But as everyone has their own view of the world around them, the responses were unexpected. Rather than receiving help, I got stabbed in the back.
And I lost everything I had built.
I hit rock bottom and was low enough to start accepting everything that was thrown at me. As I was looking for answers how to go on and how to get back on my feet, I came across somatics.
AEQ method slowly helped me, from one day to the next, to start following my own path. First, the muscles became unlocked. Pain in my muscles, pain in my vertebrae, pain in my soul, my tears... slowly grew into a better awareness of my body. I knew where my spine was, where my hands and legs were, and how my head was inclined. I knew the way around my body. And as I became more aware of it, I also started to understand. First, I started noticing the nature around me and suddenly I was not in a hurry any more.
I seemed to stop time. I guess I became better organised. I was more aware of myself so I correctly determined the time needed to get from A to B. Before, I raced from one point to the next but now it felt as though time stood still. I walked in a calm, relaxed way. I saw people differently. I narrowed my circle of people and I didn’t feel the need to seek others’ approval. I was aware of myself during communication and knew how much I wanted to give and what I needed myself. My friends said I started moving lightly and speaking calmly.
At the same time, the difficult situations started resolving themselves. One after another. The pieces of life started to come together again. And in two months, the main problem also started to unravel itself. A problem that was not mine alone but also affected the lives of all the people around me. As I’m finding the answers to this problem, I’m also saving my own body. The weight of the problem makes it hard for the brain to be present in the body because the thoughts are scattered and drawn to guilt, revolting actions, anger and rage. But when I focus my thoughts back to my body, I can control them and allow myself to learn from this experience. I learn about myself, not others. They are not relevant in this case. It is more important to be myself. The body shows me how far I progressed on my path and how well I am doing.
After four months of living with this method, I am aware of my body, myself and the path I chose to follow. I make choices only on the basis of my own feelings, my own beliefs.
We can only change ourselves. And my task is not to be a part of others, but to be myself. By providing an example, I can guide others, observe patiently and assess my feelings towards them and how they make me feel. I can notice what they mean to me, what they give me and what I am prepared to give in return. I set limits. With the help of AEQ method, solving problems acquired a new meaning. Solving problems turned into learning about life, myself, my closest friends and relatives, the Earth, the Universe, emotions. Life became full of meaning. I do somatic exercises every morning and every evening. They help me focus my brain on my body. On myself. I started to live.
Ivana Buble, Slovenia