Vesna Žist about AEQ method
An old friend of mine brought me to Aleš - pain in cervical vertebrae. I knew it was a result of scoliosis, but since the doctors had told me it had been an incurable illness already in my youth I accepted that until the pain became unbearable.
I will never forget the day when I wrote to Marjan Ogorevc in tears because of pain, asking him to recommend a good chiropractor to me. He was concise: "Vesna, I believe the AEQ method by Aleš Ernst would be the right thing for you. " Nine months have passed since that day, and now I know it was the best advice I have ever got in my 44-year life because my life has turned upside down since then. I started getting it up as it was mainly on the dead-end street almost from my birth. And the worst part was that I wasn't even aware of that. I believed my scoliosis was hereditary and that it had not much to do with my feelings, thoughts and actions. My spine allegedly curved due to the genetic factor, fast growth and heavy school bag, so I was told. And physical therapists added that I should be active in sports and that it would not be a sin to take painkillers once in a while when the pain became intense. But there was never any talk about the connection with emotions or, God forbid, traumas.
I was even more surprised when Aleš introduced such connection between trauma, mind, muscles and bones to me. I was intrigued and absorbed his every word, and a new world started opening up for me. The best part of his explanation was that he was able to prove every statement he made with such playful ease, which is so significant for his rhetoric. No mystique, no stepping in the dark; at Aleš, every question has its answer. When you decide to put together a puzzle according to the AEQ method, you can be sure that somewhere you have all the missing pieces, but it will be up to you if you choose to use them. It took me just a few visits to realise how broken was my puzzle; pieces were everywhere, just not where they were supposed to be. Conversations helped me get the entire picture that was hidden from me until that moment. The pain was the only indicator of that image.
It was becoming clear to me what had been happening in my childhood that had led me to scoliosis and what mechanisms I had developed to be able to maintain my condition. I started to understand more or less painful situations I encountered over the years and my relationships. Active therapies and AEQ exercises I did every day "unlocked" my muscles that had been locked, tense for decades - amnesia of the muscles. My repressed emotions started releasing at the same time. What it meant in the real world was crying, crying and more crying. However, crying didn't scare me as I had already been practising alternative healing methods before I met Aleš. Furthermore, crying was welcome as it was still "safe" under Aleš' guidance.
What was different from before was that I understood every tear, what caused it and why, and that seems very important to me as it gives you feeling of being in control. That was precisely what I missed practising methods of alternative medicine - being on top of things and in control while dealing with my shadows of inner depths; having a clear goal in front of me and all the necessary knowledge and understanding how to reach that goal at the same time. It wasn't always easy to overcome the unwillingness that surfaced every time I decided to think, feel and act outside of the old patterns. It was hard because it was much easier to look away than to look into your darkness. But difficult it was, it was also spontaneous and inevitable in a way.
It took me several months of learning from AEQ movement to start feeling my body and as a result my real needs and wishes. My masks were gradually becoming obsolete; covers I was using for myself and others. My outside life was getting in order simultaneously with my emotional life and my mind. Some people withdrew, and I drew away others. I stopped doing lots of things as I realised they weren't making me happy. Joy has become my constant companion, and I'm hoping we'll be best friends one day. I know now I can't rely on stars, karma, fate or luck. I'll reap what I'll show; results will show where I'll put my attention, time and energy and will be in correlation with the input. I realize the AEQ method is teaching me something much higher, more important - it shows me how to live.
I pay attention to everything I do, just the way I pay attention to how I perform movements in the AEQ exercises. I do them with awareness and feeling, at the right amount, without hurry and never by force. I've learned how beautiful and easier a life can be, if you know your balance point and stick to it. I've learned to think before I act, to consider before making a decision. I've finally learned to unload the burdens I was carrying for so many years. But most of all I've learned to listen to my body, which has always been talking to me. Now I understand it clearly when it warns me with pain, which rarely happens nowadays. And because I know, I can also accept and then change a situation.
Aleš, I'm infinitely grateful to you for showing me how to manage my worlds with AEQ exercises: emotional and physical worlds as well as my mind. Now I know we can speak about real freedom when all three are orderly structured.
Vesna Žist, Napoli, Italy